SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
