i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
