I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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