Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
