oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
