If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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