after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
