ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
