I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You are a genius and a whore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
