We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
