im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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