I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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