I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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