I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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