I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize