You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
