I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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