I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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