I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
