my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
