this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
