why didn't you poke me back
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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