Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize