you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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