just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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