Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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