his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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