I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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