Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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