Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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