FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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