i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
