pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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