The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
