My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
