i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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