I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
