I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
