Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
