Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
