Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
