Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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