Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
