If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
