doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
