Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love you. Go after that dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
