u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
