who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
