it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
