Grow some girl-balls and come out already
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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