actually, I'm a sock model
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
