we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
