Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
