you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just invented taco cereal.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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