i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
