i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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