That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
