community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
honey bunches of taint.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize