I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
