how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
