This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
only you would photoshop your dick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
