I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
