Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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