i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
